I am a huge fan of the Sci-Fi show Firefly. A Browncoat, for those in the know. I rewatch the series and the movie, Serenity, on a regular basis. I was watching one evening after more than an hour of my Dad insisting his cousin was dead. (We finally figured out he meant his uncle, said cousins father)We decided to just agree, but he kept bringing it up, saying we were calling him a liar. He got heated, and my usually gentle father was getting pretty angry and slightly hateful.
It was a scene in Serenity, and a scene between Simon Tam and his sister, River struck me. It was no more, really, than River expressing frustration that she did not know what she was saying. I looked at my husband and told him "We should call it River Tam when he gets like that."
It was a joke, but now it has developed into a tool for me as a caregiver and a daughter who is watching her Dad slip further into a place where I don't speak the native language. More and more each day I separate my Dad from the disease that is stealing him from me.
River Tam's mind was scrambled by the fictional Alliance, but it's something more real, and therefore more painful, that is swallowing parts of my Dad whole.
So, I have decided to not just talk to River in my head, but to put it down here. I know there are others who are going through this. We could all benefit from a little ranting towards the bogey man named Alzheimer's. It just sow happens this one goes by the name River.
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